


School of love for young angels

by Ellstra



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel's Trenchcoat, Despair, Episode: s05e03 Free to Be You and Me, Hope, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Questions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 04:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1805266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has an important question to ask Castiel. Unlike the others, he dares to ask this one. And maybe Cas expected him to ask something else, but being an angel doesn't always mean being happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	School of love for young angels

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place during the episode 'Free to be you and me' from the fifth season. Dean and Cas are coming to a motel after that memorable visit of a den of the iniquity. (That scene rocks, I've already seen it three times, it's brilliant.)

Dean got out of the car, still chuckling under his breath when he recalled the frightened face Castiel had when that prostitute came to their table. He still didn’t accomplish his mission – that is, make Cas have sex – but he thought there would be a lot more he’d have to teach the angel. Before he met one – or generally speaking believed there were any – he had thought that if there were angels living somewhere – which they weren’t – they would have been omnipotent and omniscient. He had had argued with Sam about the existence of angels and he doubted they existed, but it hadn’t stopped him from playing a small _what if_ game with himself. It certainly had had nothing to do with the ‘movies’ he watched that all the angels in his imagination were women – of all colours and shapes, he wasn’t a racist and come on, not every angel had to be a top-model. So when Cas appeared, when Dean actually got over the shock from the _angels are real_ deal, it was kind of a disappointment. Not that Cas – or that guy Jimmy whose body he was possessing, whatever – was not good-looking but the truth was that he would never make it to the _Busty Asian Beauties_ magazine. And it was more and more obvious that angels were far from almighty – at least those from the lower division like Cas – and they clearly lacked knowledge of basic things. Dean wondered if that was why monks and nuns weren’t allowed to have sex – they’d make the angels feel crestfallen.

Castiel shut the door of the Impala behind himself and looked over at Dean. His face looked even more mopish than usual and Dean wondered – not for the first or second time – if it was the body’s manner or if something troubled Cas so much he could never change his expression. It was quite high on Dean’s list of _Things I really want to know but I don’t dare to ask_. 

“Don’t worry, dude, I’ve told you I’m not gonna let you die a virgin. And as I look at it, it may be easier to keep you alive than rid you of your virginity because you for some reason seem to value it.” Dean smirked and patted Cas’s shoulder. He really did like that guy even if he pissed him off sometimes.

“I just – I don’t...” Cas babbled and Dean would swear the angel blushed.

“It’s alright, buddy, I’ll teach you a few things,” Winchester laughed as they walked towards the motel room they were going to share. It was strange to know that the man sleeping on the other bed wouldn’t be Sam but an angel, but Dean thought he could risk it. His brother had pissed him off greatly and Cas was a chaffy guy which was a quality Dean appreciated a lot in that times.

He opened the door and let Cas go inside first. The angel passed him by and sat down on one of the beds. Dean shut the door, locked it for no apparent reason and he threw himself on the other bed, stretching himself lazily. He felt a few almost noiseless creaks when his vertebrae claimed their rightful positions and he closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation fully. He did expect himself to be somewhere else that time, but he couldn’t be mad at Cas for staving off his night. This felt at least half as good as a paid sex would.

Castiel stared at Dean and assumed the human just decided to get rid of his virginity no matter the cost. Because the noises and moves he did, they’re so seductive, ardent and alluring Cas simply couldn’t deem them casual, normal and nonsexual. The poor angel completely lost himself; Dean always had this something around him but it never seemed to be this strong. Cas felt feverish and needy; he wanted Dean so much it frightened him. The main reason why he agreed to go to that den of iniquity as he called it was to convince himself that he lusted for Dean because Winchester was tied to him but this connection might break. As it turned out, it didn’t; but then again, he didn’t really try.

Dean wasn’t aware of Castiel’s eyes on him knowingly, but he felt like somebody was watching him. Watching like admiring him, no creepy stalking or _you_ _look delicious, Imma eat your brains_ gazing. His mind was not processing the sensation so he could not realise that the only one who could be staring at him was Cas; he did feel great though. Despite acting otherwise, he was self-conscious and he was a bit amazed at every girl’s fascination by him. And this seemed to be even better – he was basking in this attention, the pure adoration and interest that caressed him and made him feel loved and important.

The charm broke after some time and Dean opened his eyes. He looked around himself with a new wave of vivacity pumping through his veins and his sight fell on Cas who was diverting his eyes so forcedly it was ridiculous. Dean tried to understand what he saw but initially he gave up and sat up with a content sigh.

That drew Cas’s attention back to the human who was studying him closely. He managed to hold Dean’s gaze for a while before his eyes fell to his knees again.

“Cas, can I ask you a question?” Dean spoke and Castiel almost jumped up in surprise. He looked into Dean’s eyes in attempt to determine what the latter had on his mind. There was a playful smirk on his lips but it was the one Winchester wore almost all the time. He was looking straight at Cas boldly as if he was daring Castiel to wonder what that question will be. Or maybe it was all just a pose and Dean was anxious to ask that question. Cas had no clue.

He didn’t manage to suppress an image that crept into his mind immediately after Dean spoke. He was ashamed of it because he was sure that was not what the human was going to ask, no matter how much Cas wished for it.

_“Castiel, why don’t you tell me you love me?” Dean asks and his eyes are piercing my very soul. I gasp for air – he has never been supposed to find out. It should have been a secret, something nobody would ever find out about because if they did, it would endanger everyone worth living. So far it was known that I liked Dean, maybe a bit more than I should, but nobody would be crazy enough to try to use him against me._

_“I... it’s dangerous.” I manage to murmur and I lower my sight._

_“But I want to be with you, Cas,” he stands up and does that move of his when he throws his arms in the air, runs his hands through his hair and sighs, “is there anything more important?”_

_“Saving the world?” I look up and bite my lower lip. He’s not supposed to look this desperate. He should be cracking smiles and telling jokes in which he’d quote some TV show or movie so that I would feel lost. He should place humanity and fighting Lucifer on the first place._

_“But honey, we could do that together,” he reasons and deep down I know he’s right. Because after all, this is my fantasy and he is going to say exactly what I want to hear the most. “We could find your dad, send Lucifer back to hell and eat bacon cheeseburgers during that. I’m sure you’d enjoy them even if you don’t need to eat.”_

_“I know, Dean,” I whisper, “but do you think your brother would approve?”_

_“Sam? I’m not giving up on you because of him. Not anymore; he’s betrayed me, raised Lucifer from hell and all this while he was sucking blood of his demon slut.” He is being maybe a bit too harsh; normal Dean would not say that aloud even if he thought it was the truth. But it doesn’t matter._

_“I love you, Dean,” I say and hope it sounded firm._

_“And I love you, angel,” he smiles, walks straight to me and sits on my lap with his legs on either side of me. He takes my head into his hands, caresses my cheeks with his thumbs and he plants a soft kiss on my forehead._

Anna was right, emotions are an amazing gift but also a curse. Castiel was experiencing it himself in the moment; it filled him with joy to be with Dean but it hurt at the same time. It was overwhelming when Dean called for his help and it was agonizing when Cas failed him or had to deny help. He wished he could tell Dean that if it was only up to him, he would do anything in his might to ensure Dean’s safety and happiness. Living as an emotionless angel was simpler, painless but unfulfilled and empty.

“Earth to Heaven, are you with me, Cas?” Dean waved his hand in front of Castiel’s eyes to catch his attention. The angel seemed preoccupied; his eyes were blank as if he was somewhere else. It scared Dean a little.

“Uhm, yes. You may ask any question you wish,” Cas replied and shook his head a little to focus on reality.

“I’ll pretend you didn’t just speak like Spock-“

 _The incomprehensible references_ , Castiel thought bitterly.

“- and I’ll ask you the question.” Dean made a pause. “This is gonna sound inappropriate-“

 _Not as inappropriate as what I just pictured you doing to me_ , the angel said to himself silently, amazed by how sarcastic he could be.

“- but I really wanna know. How do you keep the trench coat clean and in one piece?”

Dean watched Cas as if he saw him for the first time. Cas felt like he was going to cry in the very next minute. His hands clenched into fists and he hid them in his pocket as he tried to keep his emotions away from Dean.

“What?” he spluttered. The question seemed so... ordinary and weird at once. Why would Dean ask something like that? Why would anyone ask something like that?

“I mean – when we met for the first time, I shot you like at least five times and stabbed you with a knife that kills demons. There were holes in the coat, I remember them. Or when you were taken to Heaven for re-education or whatever and that guy Jimmy got injured – in the same coat – how did you get rid of the blood?” Dean explained.

“I don’t really know. It just... I guess it’s a part of the body and therefore it heals. I’ve never thought about it.” Castiel responded truthfully but his mind is on something else. If Dean thinks about something this unimportant about him, maybe he thinks about more serious questions he doesn’t dare to ask as well. Maybe hope is not gone, after all.

“Oh. I hoped it would be some super cool divine washing powder,” Dean said with disappointment in his voice. Cas looked at him in attempt to see laughter in Dean’s eyes but the human was not mocking him.

“Dean?” Castiel tasted the name on his tongue for some time, imagining the different ways it could be pronounced in.

“Yeah,” Dean growled.

“Who is Spock?” Cas asked and regretted doing it in the very next second.

“Seriously? Don’t they let you watch any damn TV show up there? I thought you were supposed to be from heaven.” Dean exclaimed and went to get his laptop. Cas’s gaze followed him and he realised that even though he was going to be forced to watch a TV show, he was going to do it with Dean which seemed to be enough of a compensation.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. The question Dean asks Castiel has been nagging me since Cas appeared for the first time. I mean seriously, how did he get rid of the holes and dirt? I wanted it to be a funny story with a lot of gay references which would make no sense and all, but I'm sick and I guess the terrible headache left its mark on this story so it turned out this way. Also, I think it kind of represents what the show's like. It's serious and heartbreaking most of the time but you simply can't restrain yourself from laughing out loud at some parts.  
> Note about Cas and Dean - I know, they're like the most famous pairing of this show (hell, I knew more about them before I started watching the show) or at least the one I'm able to understand (unlike Sam/Dean, sorry.) I've seen half of the show to this point so maybe my point of view will change, but so far it seems to me more like a one-sided relationship because it's kind of difficult to get over all those chicks that got laid by Dean. Just my opinion though and maybe it will change.


End file.
